Thursday, January 06, 2005

Good News And Nothing But Good News

It is rumored that our Leader wants to hear no bad news from Iraq. His example is surely one worthy of imitation, so this post is going to be only about news which are positive and affirming of the greatness of this country and especially of its administration.

Therefore, I'm not going to say a word about the hearings of Alberto Gonzales' nomination to the post of Attorney General, except that his use of the term "quaint" shows a very nice active vocabulary. For this reason he might be an excellent addition to the current administration. What I shall blog about, instead, is the new puppy that Laura and George Bush have acquired. A puppy is an infant dog, and many humans find infant dogs very appealing. Pointing out the appeal of the puppy will make George Bush look like a nice guy, a man who cares about puppies and tsunami victims and the homeless, a man who would never want to kill lots of Iraqis for reasons of political power or wacko ideology or oil. An infant dog is a life-affirming choice.

It is especially nice that George gave the infant dog to Laura as a birthday present. That way the whole thing doesn't make anyone wonder whether George is a hundred percent he-man, as he-men are not really supposed to find puppies that cute. But their wives, who are supposed to be a hundred percent she-women, are encouraged to goo over infant dogs, because this enforces the idea of women as caring and emotional creatures. Which is a good thing.

That Andrea Yates' murder conviction was overturned is also a good thing. She is the fundamentalist Christian woman who drowned all five of her children in a bathtub. She is clearly mentally ill and convicting her in the first place as if she was sane made no sense. Because this post is all about good news, I'm not going to say a word about the value system that would make a mentally ill woman solely responsible for the care of so many small children, and I'm going to stay equally silent about the great cries for Andrea Yates' head which were heard from her own people, the wingnuts, when she was convicted in the first place.

Finally, this blog has been nominated for the 2004 Koufax Awards in the category: Best Overall Blog by a Nonprofessional (whatever nonprofessional might mean in this context). This is wonderful news for me, because the other blogs also nominated are absolutely awe-inspiringly good. I won't mention that this is so wonderful that the rest of my life will be just one big disappointment, because that sounds far too pessimistic in a post full of good news.