A Winning Mentality (by Phila)

A marriage counselor named M. Gary Neuman suggests that men are complicated, and may have multiple reasons for doing -- or not doing -- a given thing.

Take cheating on their partners, for instance. You might think that they do it simply because they want sex. In fact, they often do it because they're underappreciated. (We know this is true, because a number of them said so after getting caught.)

"The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."

Why don't they tell you? And why don't they seem like "very emotional beings"? Beats me. Maybe they get something out of it...some sort of authority or power, perhaps. Or maybe they got the idea, somehow, that men are supposed to be emotionally opaque, hyperaggressive lunkheads who'd rather watch sports than talk about their "feelings."

Men have a winning mentality, Gary says. Just think about how the men in your life act while watching their favorite sports teams.

"They love to win," Gary says.

Got that, ladies? We love to win! So if you can make us feel like we're winning, everything should be fine. And if not...well, any port in a storm, as the saying is.

[I]f you want to secure your relationship and understand and have the knowledge of men, make them feel like they're winning with the things that they do for you."[I]f you want to secure your relationship and understand and have the knowledge of men, make them feel like they're winning with the things that they do for you.

Here's an example. Normally, you make the breakfast, because you're the woman and that's what women do. But once in a while, your husband may decide to give it a whirl...perhaps because he feels guilty about fucking the babysitter.

[I]f a man tries to make breakfast and burns the toast, Gary suggests staying positive.

"[Men] want to feel like they're pleasing their wives... When you give him the message mainly that you screwed up, then believe it or not, it makes him feel insecure. [He thinks,] 'I can't win,'" Gary says.

And as we all know, men love to win.

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, Neuman explains his motives: "My book is about one thing. It's really about empowering women."