Obama Nation (by Phila)

Like all good-hearted people, I was initially troubled by Barack Hussein Obama's status as a Metrosexual Muslim Marxist radical with no experience. But I soon found out that this was just the tip of the iceberg.

In addition to being too black and not black enough, and being unable to master the shifting demands of diner etiquette, and spurning all-American delicacies like cheese and salami because he'd rather sip arugula-infused martinis at elite country clubs while pouring his patrician scorn over honest sons of the soil like Karl Rove, he's also in utter thrall to a radical Christian preacher whose controversial views he prissily denounced (out of the basest opportunism and disloyalty, I hasten to add).

Not a very flattering portrait, you'll agree. But there's a worse revelation to come. Indeed, this may be the last straw:

Is Obama devotee of monkey-god idol?

A group of Hindus in India have presented Sen. Barack Obama's campaign with a two-foot Hindu monkey-god idol after hearing the candidate carries a smaller version of the Lord Hanuman good-luck charm with him as he vies for the presidency....

"Obama has deep faith in Lord Hanuman, and that is why we are presenting an idol of Hanuman to him," said Bhama.

Some might be inclined to give Obama the benefit of the doubt. But I say that if there's a one-percent chance that Obama's a secret Hindu (as well as a secret Muslim and an overly liberal radical Christian), we need to treat it as a certainty. Or to put it another way, z0mfg Obama totly worshipz teh monkey god!

If you want to vote for a one-man Muslim-Hindu-Christian Holy War, suit yourself. But speaking as a concerned lifelong Democrat, I'm casting my vote for Gene Amondsen.

At least you know where he stands.