Tuesday, February 20, 2007

How To Troll A Feminist Blog

Let's see if this one doesn't make me calm and cheerful again. Worth a try, though I could have given the post some other name, such as "fuck off, you plague-chewed asshole". I'm beginning to sound like a real bigoted feminist blogger here! Hee!

Here are the rules for being a Proper Troll on a feminist blog, or the rules as to the available types of trolling:

1. Just call the blogger an evil bitch or a stoopid bitch. Ask her how she would feel if she had a son born and the son wouldn't be allowed to lord over all women.

2. Then you could point out that the blogger is only a feminist because she is too ugly, too fat, too shrill, too old, too stoopid to be something else. You might sign her up for the support group of big-assed women or big-nosed women.

3. If you are a religious sort of troll, you can quote a lot of Bible or Koran verses. Now that will shut her up. You can also tell her that she is going to Hell. And you can arrange for prayer circles to pray for her.

4. All these too crude for you, but you still want to be a troll on feminist blogs? Worry not! You can always argue that any woman wanting equality really, really hates men. That's it!

5. Now, if you happen to be really stupid yourself, don't hesitate to troll feminist blogs. Your pseudoevidence is always the valid one, and you can say so in many different forms without budging an inch. That'll show them. No, you don't have to read the responses or to check out any other evidence that might be presented. No, you don't have to know how to spell, either.

6. Now we are getting to the higher levels of trolling, the insidious ones. You are getting a graduate degree in trolling here! On this level you will act like a concern troll (Phila's term), which means that you pretend to be on the blogger's side. But alas, the stoopid blogger is writing about something unimportant! Something trivial! Something that will make feminism the laughing-stock of every upstanding anti-feminist out there. Had she only selected the Correct Topic! But she failed, alas, and feminism will be ruined for all times. Just too bad that almost all topics are trivial and unimportant, isn't it?

7. An advanced variation of this is to point out that yes, sometimes women do indeed have it rough, but so do all sorts of other people. What about carpenters? What about carpenter ants? People with crooked front teeth? Those who ride mopeds? People who live in wooded areas? This works very well, as long as you don't remind everyone that being a woman doesn't save you from any of those other problems.

8. The PhD level of trolling on feminist blogs requires quite a few years of work first, so I'm only putting it out there as a goal towards which to strive. The idea is to tell the blogger how very smart and intelligent she is, how really wonderful a blogger she is. What a pity, then, that she squanders her enormous brilliance on such an unimportant and dead topic as feminism. What a great pity, indeed. Imagine what she could do if she was writing on whether Barack Obama is handsome or awkward! Imagine what she could do by writing on the very interesting questions concerning Important Political Topics, topics which reek of testosterone and ballistic integrity. Like what size of an airplane Nancy Pelosi is allowed to have.