Wednesday, March 04, 2009

What We Slobber Over

Now all this is quite funny: Vanity Fair is well known for putting on its covers pictures of nudish women. I notice that every time I walk past the magazine display in the hoity-toity grocery store in my area. If I had never read the magazine I'd think it was Playboy or some other soft-squishy-semi-porn rag.

But I guess someone pointed out that they follow this marketing strategy and so they felt the hot urge to respond. Here is a picture of the original cover (on the left edge of the picture):

And here is the spoof they created of the cover:

Amanda points out some pertinent aspects of why the spoof is unfunny and so do the gals on Broadstreet. That leaves my job so much easier, does it not?

(Takes off feminist skin, plugs in 'female gaze' eyeballs, picks up the whip of matriarchy and female dominance and sits pack comfortably)

You need to show some skin, guys! Get busy there with those dumbells first and suck in those bellies. How many months before the baby elephant will be born? And where is its trunk, in any case? Who the fuck hired the first guys to walk in off the street? I need some muscle here, some stubble, some hazy, smoky eyes and juicy lips.

Hey, you there! Swing those hips for us! Show that you have something to offer to us ladies. Wet your lips, dammit! Imagine cunnilingus! Dammit, NOt like that.

Remember who's paying for things here. No! Not like that! You have to OFFER! Open your mouth. Push out those hips! You are there to be viewed, to be nibbled, to be enjoyed. To serve, fuckit!

I need some women on the edges of the picture, fully dressed, staring at the cocks. Can you do that for me, like yesterday? Right after you get us some real eye-candy to work with, of course.

(Slips back into the feminist skin, slips out through the door.)