Friday, April 16, 2004

Friday Canine Blogging

Hail, all fellow canines!
This is Henrietta the Hound, the intelligent feline in this madhouse. The other one hardly bears mentioning among the noble breed of dogs, being a mere Labrador. Everybody knows Labradors are really Laboratory dogs, and the development was never finished. Anyway, she brought home a Bug. From the mud in which she pretends to swim. And gave it to me.

After watching her gorge and vomit, gorge and vomit, I succumbed to the same condition. There's no justice in this world.
I read only the classics, I refuse to obey the lowly humans, I bite butt most efficiently, and what do I get for all this? The same humiliating bug.

But I've nearly finished with the vomiting, and even managed to nibble on a small piece of French toast. This was after an exhausting day of chasing away a woman who pretended to want to change the gas meter, and also successfully chasing away some man in a telephone repair truck. He was yelling about mad dogs as he run away. And then the thankless cur of a goddess threw things at me while screeching something about the telephone lines having been down for days.

Well, nobody told me. All she had to do was a little groveling, and they came back and fixed it all. Luckily I didn't have to go the veterinarian, so it's all the same to me.

The spring is here, which means much more interesting smells. Have you noticed this? Even humans, the poor smell-challenged creatures, seem to sniff more these days. Not that they catch all the intriguing stuff that's going on. I even smell something from the distant Washington D.C.: a whiff of desperation, the bitter smell of scared armpits. Could it be that the right-wing political march is out of lockstep? I would be surprised if the humans got it right this year. They hardly ever do.

Take Clinton. Who should have replaced him? Me, that's who! I'm extremely good-looking and charismatic, I'm very dominant, and I mount all dogs irrespective of sex or which end of the dog it happens to be. If I had been selected, none of the humans' current problems would have existed. And there would have been no Labrador retrievers.

Yours, in solidarity,
Henrietta the Hound, CEO of Snakepit Inc, PhD, DPhil etc.

Postscript: Hah hah ha! I snuck in when she wasn't watching. That's me Hank the Labrador! And I gave her the bug on purpose. She is one of the libural elites, and she should puke! Me, I'm really good again, and yesterday I almost caught a squirrel. It was probably a terrorist or a communist. I'm shedding now! See me shake!
Smooches to everybody!