2. Stop rape. It's not enough for you not to rape women. You need to work to stop rape by other men, too. The existence of rape in the world makes some of us less interested in sex with you. Maybe we’re traumatized, or maybe we’re just disgusted.
If women didn’t have to fear rape, many more would be willing to have sex with men they didn’t know well. Some of you guys may be thinking, “But if they’re willing, why would they fear rape?” Because we want the right to change our minds or say no to anything at any time. Some of us wait to have sex because we're trying to figure out if you're dangerous.
Don't make jokes about rape and abuse that suggest it's no big deal or the woman wanted it. That irritates us.
3. Stop other violence against women in relationships. If you punch us, we won't want to have sex with you, unless we're hoping you'll fall asleep afterward and give us time to get the garden shears. The threat of violence makes many women leery of men. Once again, it's not enough for you not to beat women. You need to work to end all domestic violence.
4. Remove the stigma on girls and women who like sex and have a lot of it. This includes dividing women into Madonnas or whores, as well as using pejoratives like "slut" and "whore." If sex work continues, the workers would need to be treated with the respect accorded any profession, and male sex workers should be just as available to women. Why do I include prostitution? As long as there is one class or group of women who are stigmatized for sex, then all women risk being stigmatized.
5. Don’t insinuate that women are just trading sex for money or material possessions (unless one actually is). This sounds like you think women don't enjoy sex, which makes us wonder about your abilities.
6. Stop treating sex like a game in which women are conquered, or sex acts raise your status and lower hers. Why would women have sex with you if it’s going to lower their status? Don't brag to other guys about what you got a woman to do. If we find out, we may not want to have sex with you, or any man for a while.
7. Don’t lie to us or get us drunk or stoned or try to trick us in some other way to have sex. Depending on what method you use, we may be able to prosecute you for rape. Even if we can't, it makes us less likely to trust, or even like, men.
In the short run, deception may get you more sex with more women. But it's not sustainable. In the long run, it turns off many women to sex.
8. Don’t make your pleasure the focus of sex. Figure out what women like in bed, but don’t use porn or Howard Stern to teach you. Understand that each woman is different, and you have to communicate.
9. Unless we tell you that we love porn that depicts women being hurt and/or degraded, don’t suggest we watch. If we don’t like it, it may disgust us to know that you do. If the porn features attractive women who look like underage girls and paunchy guys from the Netherlands, it may turn us off, too.
10. Stop unreasonable beauty standards. Again, it's not enough for you to like a variety of bodies, ages, abilities, etc. This has to be changed everywhere. If we are ashamed of our bodies, we may have less interest in getting naked with you.
11. Leave or change any religion that puts restrictions on women that it doesn’t apply to men. Sexism gives us a headache.
12. If you live with a woman, do your share of child care, elder care and household chores. Otherwise, we may feel too tired or resentful for sex.
13. Stop thinking that your dick can cure lesbians. Many women understand the limitations of your dick, and we find this ridiculous and insulting.
Dear readers, do you have any other suggestions?
9. Unless we tell you that we love porn that depicts women being hurt and/or degraded, don’t suggest we watch. If we don’t like it, it may disgust us to know that you do. If the porn features attractive women who look like underage girls and paunchy guys from the Netherlands, it may turn us off, too.
10. Stop unreasonable beauty standards. Again, it's not enough for you to like a variety of bodies, ages, abilities, etc. This has to be changed everywhere. If we are ashamed of our bodies, we may have less interest in getting naked with you.
11. Leave or change any religion that puts restrictions on women that it doesn’t apply to men. Sexism gives us a headache.
12. If you live with a woman, do your share of child care, elder care and household chores. Otherwise, we may feel too tired or resentful for sex.
13. Stop thinking that your dick can cure lesbians. Many women understand the limitations of your dick, and we find this ridiculous and insulting.
Dear readers, do you have any other suggestions?
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Note to offended men: Yes, I'm truly, sincerely grateful for feminist men, especially if your motive is social justice, not just to get lots of sex with lots of women.