Hmj sent these to me. They are really funny:
Insurance Claims
Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes found by a UK insurance
company:
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
concentration and hit a bollard."
"On the M6 motorway I moved from the center lane to the fast lane but
the other car didn't give way."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were coming
to apologize. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by the arms, and the
first slapped me several times across the face. I knee'd the man in
the groin, but didn't connect properly, so I kicked him in the shin."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight."
"I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who had convulsions and
was blocked by a tanker."
"Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife
while he is there. What shall I do about it?"
"No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it
happened."
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have
asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him
again."
"We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss
X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo."
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and
had an accident. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at
my mother-in- law and headed over the embankment."
"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
don't have."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention."
"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my
head through it."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I
did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the
road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."
"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the
roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a
ditch by some stray cows."