These are courtesy of hmj, but I agree whole-heartedly. Life is too short to stuff a mushroom and probably also too short to peel one. If this is true, who on earth has time for all that vacuuming?
Dirt:
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15
and leave it alone
Cobwebs:
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your partner points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What?
And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them and call them
holiday decorations.)
Pet Hair:
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play
animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in
winter.)
Guests:
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room
and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to
see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO
expensive."
General Cleaning:
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of
water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous location. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the
couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."
As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie
pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a
bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean . . .
works every time!