Monday, August 16, 2004

Olympic Lessons for Children

With thanks to the American television broadcasters of the games:

1. Only winning matters. Earning a silver medal is nothing, you whiny loser.

2. Only American gold medalists matter. You can cut the awards ceremony short by just showing the American athlete getting his or her laurel leaf wreath and medal while pretending that the other two steps on the victory podium are empty. Although we might make an exception to show an American who should have won getting a silver medal. Just to remind you of rule no 1. Look at their long faces!

3. Success is due to the athlete's own hard work if the athlete is American. Success of other athletes is due to either the devious behavior of the judges or to the government power of alien countries. The exception that can be made is for any athlete who is photogenic and has a good sad story to tell. Such athletes can also have success based on hard work.

4. The correct view of Athens is that of Disney. Don't believe anything else.

5. Commercials are more interesting than the games, especially car advertisements that use the 9/11 theme to attract interest or peddle sexism with the four wheels.

I should stop watching the games. If I had such a thing as blood pressure it would have already caused this continent to split into two.