Friday, June 18, 2004

A Warm Welcome to Tucker Carlson

He's going to be the new conservative pundit on the Public Broadcasting System (PBS). The PBS was regarded as the heart and core of liberal brainwashing, so the conservatives have been busy trying to demolish it. No longer, alas. Now the PBS is to be brought into light and harmony by simply infecting it with the same virus: Limbaughus O'Reillitis Malovelensis which already runs rampant in most of the so-called liberal media. Tucker Carlson's show is one of two new conservative shows that will be broadcast from this week onwards. At the same time, Bill Moyer's show NOW, the only show in the whole American media universe which is unabashedly lefty, will be reduced from one hour to thirty minutes! This, my friends, is called balanced and objective broadcasting.

So what's Tucker like? Well, readers of this blog might be interested in his views on women, the other sex, you know. Here's a taste of Tucker's views:

In an April interview in Elle magazine, Carlson stated, "One area of liberal phenomenon I support is female bi-sexuality -- this apparent increased willingness of girls to bring along a friend. That's a pretty good thing." And, in response to a question about which woman he would most like to be, he answered, " Elizabeth Birch[former executive director] of the Human Rights Campaign , because you'd be presiding over an organization of thousands of lesbians, some of them quite good-looking."
In that same interview, Carlson said of women, "They want to be listened to, protected and amused. And they want to be spanked vigorously every once in a while." The following are statements Carlson made on CNN's Crossfire on the subject of feminists and feminism:
You will admit that at least 40 percent of any vote in a Democratic race is humorless feminists. (7/18/02)
The traditional anti-fun feminist point of view is that of course men are bad, and they make women do bad things. (11/20/02)
Who laughs less than feminists? (5/26/04)
To be a feminist, you could cut your hair really short. You have to be really angry about something. (5/21/03)
Carlson falsely claimed that complaints from feminists had prompted Attorney General John Ashcroft's Justice Department to cover with sheets the exposed breasts of The Spirit of Justice, the statue that stands in its Hall of Justice (6/03/02).
Carlson told Elle that his guilty fantasy is Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY): "Every time I see her I think I could, you know, help.... She seems tense."

Clearly, his is a voice that is desperately needed on the PBS, and one for which I, for one, will gladly pay a contribution check every month.
I need to know that I like to be vigorously spanked, as it would never occur to me on my own. Instead, what does occur to me right now is that maybe it is Tucker that needs some vigorous spanking? But of course this whole interview is just a joke, don't you get it? If you don't you are a) a feminist and have too short hair and/or b) you have never heard of the great truth that anything the nutwings say that is insulting to others is just a joke and you have no sense of humor if you didn't laugh from the bottom of your belly.

If you don't want to have Tucker Carlson: Unfiltered, on your local PBS station, you can try to complain to the powers that be. This website will get you going.